Keeping Friends of Making Friends?

Which one do you think is better?

On one hand, you get to be a person who’s really easy to be friends with. You meet a lot of people and befriend them. You get the reputation for being awesome, but you never really get the chance to stay in touch with everyone that you made friends with. At start, you’ll spend time with them, you go have lunch or dinner, movies, coffee, anything that keeps you in the social circle. Then after time, gradually, you lose contact, or you talk less often, or it just always seemed that you’re never there for them, and they’re never there for you. Not saying that they stop thinking you’re awesome or anything. But you never get too close to anyone, for them to think otherwise. I guess if you ever needed help from them, some of them would say yes straight away, some of them would probably pretend that they have something better to do than help a friend in hand. Well, you were never really that close to them anyway. Close enough to hang out once in a while, so when you get bored, you’d have back up company, in almost everything.

On the other hand, you’re not really the best at making friends. When you meet new people, you tend to shy away or don’t have the initiative to befriend them. You’d talk to them, moderately, you’d answer their questions – smile and nod, but never have the urge to ask them about them. Never really get interested to what they do for living, or what they like to do – if you’re confident that you have nothing in common. You have a handful of friends that you’ve been friends with forever, you’d do anything for them, and you know they’d do anything for you. But really, those close friends of yours, have their own other friends that you’re not familiar with. And in some instances, you’d feel lonely because they will be too busy with their other social circles.

So, which one do think is better?

I have to admit, I think I am better at making friends than keeping friends. I am probably 70% on the first category. Though in some instances, depending on the setting of situation I am in, I can be the hermit of a frog in the corner of the room, the one person in the party that no one can talk to. Or I can definitely be one of the loud socialites yapping to everyone, probably even too obnoxious or annoying for some. I know at most times, I’m not the person to always know what to say in group situations, I tend to just embarrass myself (worse comes to worst, anyway)

Though sometimes when I don’t talk, it means that I am too nervous to say anything. Or maybe I just really preferred to listen to what you have to say.. Or yeah, I just have nothing to add in the conversation. Maybe I am just too scared that I’d say something wrong and I’d lose the friendly connection that we have before, when I wasn’t talking.

I like to think friends are one of the most beautiful things in the world. I cherish them deeply, even the ones that I don’t talk to much (enough) anymore. I tend to be scared, sometimes, when I need to show these feelings. Scared that people will mock me for being cheesy. Scared that the cherished people I’ve said this to doesn’t feel the same way as me, and I’d feel like I have been left and disappointed by ‘friends’ once again.

I guess the point of this entry is.. I am trying to balance the two together. At this point of my life, where I currently don’t see people as regularly anymore (seeing how no more school or regular work shift hours are unlikely, I don’t see people at all unless I ask to see them to hang out, or if they ask me to come out and hang out) I realize, I don’t really keep in touch with many of my favourite people. I tend to only see people just because I go to school, or work, or other regular things that I used to do. Now that school is done, I have no excuse to go out and see people anymore, thus not seeing a lot of people as much as I want myself to be.

I am sorry if I ever hurt your feelings and treated you as if you’re not worth it. Please know that I appreciate your existence in my life, and however much time I have spent with you – they’re all cherished moments in my life and I am grateful for each and every one of you.

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