- Mercedes Jones

Ingrid Michaelson is coming to Australia!!!!!!!

*insert a picture of me doing a victory dance here*

HELL YES.

I have totally forgotten about this little space of mine.

Let’s see. Last post was on May. That’s crazy talk!

So what have I been up to the last 4 months? Any pretties?

WHY OF COURSE.

In the last 4 months, I’ve learned how to bake pretty things, I’ve paid off half my debts, I’ve kissed a million times, I’ve laughed, I’ve cried, I’ve eaten wonderful food, and some pretty bad ones, I was able to tick off so many criteria boxes of being a grown up in my head and most importantly, I’ve started to get my ducks in a row.

Yes, that’s right. I’ve finally landed on my very first full time job!

What are my thoughts on this?

Well, at first I was too excited for words. I remember contemplating on writing a lengthy post here about it. But then, knowing me, I didn’t. I am loving the people I work with. They have got to be the most helpful, nicest, most wonderful people anyone can have for their very first job. They make me feel so at home! I am very lucky.

Oh but of course, there’s a downside! My dream is to have a job in the branding/identity design industry and/or publication (and maybe tied in with some green design ). The current company I am in is focused on advertising and packaging. As much as I am open to learning new things (because I am, and am very much intrigued with what I am learning every day from my seniors at work) – I am finding it very hard to be inspired. Hmmm. Need to get my brain and positive attitude turned on again.

What I would like now is to love my job even more in the next 2 months. And to seriously get some more work in my folio. Learn and experience as much as I can!

If my heart is still not convinced by the end of this year, I am guessing it would stray away and look for different opportunities.

Not sure if that’s a bad idea or a good idea.

At this moment, I would give the first choice a chance.

First of all, I know roughly where my passion lies. But at the moment, my monetary condition isn’t at its best.

So I would probably settle for something that will pay the bills first.

Don’t think I’d ever forget my passion though

On one hand, you get to be a person who’s really easy to be friends with. You meet a lot of people and befriend them. You get the reputation for being awesome, but you never really get the chance to stay in touch with everyone that you made friends with. At start, you’ll spend time with them, you go have lunch or dinner, movies, coffee, anything that keeps you in the social circle. Then after time, gradually, you lose contact, or you talk less often, or it just always seemed that you’re never there for them, and they’re never there for you. Not saying that they stop thinking you’re awesome or anything. But you never get too close to anyone, for them to think otherwise. I guess if you ever needed help from them, some of them would say yes straight away, some of them would probably pretend that they have something better to do than help a friend in hand. Well, you were never really that close to them anyway. Close enough to hang out once in a while, so when you get bored, you’d have back up company, in almost everything.

On the other hand, you’re not really the best at making friends. When you meet new people, you tend to shy away or don’t have the initiative to befriend them. You’d talk to them, moderately, you’d answer their questions – smile and nod, but never have the urge to ask them about them. Never really get interested to what they do for living, or what they like to do – if you’re confident that you have nothing in common. You have a handful of friends that you’ve been friends with forever, you’d do anything for them, and you know they’d do anything for you. But really, those close friends of yours, have their own other friends that you’re not familiar with. And in some instances, you’d feel lonely because they will be too busy with their other social circles.

So, which one do think is better?

I have to admit, I think I am better at making friends than keeping friends. I am probably 70% on the first category. Though in some instances, depending on the setting of situation I am in, I can be the hermit of a frog in the corner of the room, the one person in the party that no one can talk to. Or I can definitely be one of the loud socialites yapping to everyone, probably even too obnoxious or annoying for some. I know at most times, I’m not the person to always know what to say in group situations, I tend to just embarrass myself (worse comes to worst, anyway)

Though sometimes when I don’t talk, it means that I am too nervous to say anything. Or maybe I just really preferred to listen to what you have to say.. Or yeah, I just have nothing to add in the conversation. Maybe I am just too scared that I’d say something wrong and I’d lose the friendly connection that we have before, when I wasn’t talking.

I like to think friends are one of the most beautiful things in the world. I cherish them deeply, even the ones that I don’t talk to much (enough) anymore. I tend to be scared, sometimes, when I need to show these feelings. Scared that people will mock me for being cheesy. Scared that the cherished people I’ve said this to doesn’t feel the same way as me, and I’d feel like I have been left and disappointed by ‘friends’ once again.

I guess the point of this entry is.. I am trying to balance the two together. At this point of my life, where I currently don’t see people as regularly anymore (seeing how no more school or regular work shift hours are unlikely, I don’t see people at all unless I ask to see them to hang out, or if they ask me to come out and hang out) I realize, I don’t really keep in touch with many of my favourite people. I tend to only see people just because I go to school, or work, or other regular things that I used to do. Now that school is done, I have no excuse to go out and see people anymore, thus not seeing a lot of people as much as I want myself to be.

I am sorry if I ever hurt your feelings and treated you as if you’re not worth it. Please know that I appreciate your existence in my life, and however much time I have spent with you – they’re all cherished moments in my life and I am grateful for each and every one of you.

Though I gotta say, my relationship with dear Miss April (yes I like to think April is a female month) is a love-hate relationship.

I love it because, well, April tends to have a lot of good things happening.. Last year was probably the best April of my life as of yet. I truly thought that whole month was almost magical. Things I literally only dreamed of happening really happened to me. And damn, was I overjoyed..

With that said, April has a lot of downsides too, which was why I said I hated it. Normally my birthday (yes, I’m an April baby ) would fall around the same time as Easter, so whenever I wanna spend the day with my friends, some of them would be too busy with their families and church

Then there’s also that mid-semester tests and assignment week. So in times where I should be celebrating a new year of my life, I have to stress about projects and due dates.

But of course, now that I’ve officially graduated *shock horror* I don’t need to worry about that anymore. Instead I have the real world stress that comes pretty much every day. Though I still get to experience the effect of the dreaded assignment week.

There’s also other people’s birthdays….pretty much every week. So for every birthday present I get, I have to think about five more presents for other people. That might be a little bit exaggerated, but you get the jist.

I am currently struggling to create an awesome birthday experience for my loved one. I’ve given up on my family members’ birthday presents because, well, I’m a bitter person and if they don’t give me any presents then why should I?! …just kidding. I am getting them something, just not treating them as special

Anyways, like I said, I am struggling for this particular person’s birthday.

I’ve started planning for this birthday pretty much months ago. I made a list on my phone on ideas for presents. I kept it on my phone because my phone is always with me, so every time he says something or I get a little spark of idea, I quickly write it down. Sounds a bit dumb, now I’m writing about it. It makes me feel like I’m still a teenager, dealing with my very first crush. Kind of embarrassing, I must say.

Problem was, every time he wants something, he goes on and get it himself. (Why must you be so practical and hard to please?) Then I’d have to cross those things in my list. And my list gets shorter and shorter, haha. Thus, this whole thing gets even more frustrating. Again, that might have been an exaggeration, but you get the jist.

Then I thought maybe I should just get something that’s not really needed, but fun to have or look at. Some decorative piece… nah. I don’t think I should get any novelty things for this one. Sometimes presents like these feel a tad impersonal, though that depends on your relationship with the birthday person. But I do remember enjoying receiving presents that are just there because they are pretty. I like pretty things…but don’t we all?

Right now, I am still trying to finish crafting the presents. Yes, I’ve decided on what to get, mostly because I got them already. I’m just slightly worried that I won’t be able to please him as much as I wanted to.

I just wanted a perfect present, for a person who doesn’t believe in perfection. This is tough. I’m a firm believer of perfection and all its flaws. yeah, figure that one out.

So, 23 years old and still struggling to know what a perfect present is. I have a looooong way of hard life ahead of me.

PS. I just signed up for Formspring. Ask me any question, and I’ll answer them on the next entry!

http://www.formspring.me/xandieee

Maybe we were not meant to ask why
So when everything fails, you’d still want to try

Maybe we shouldn’t always run
We can learn how to walk, and smile to the sun

Because sometimes
even the sweetest revenge tastes so bitter
And the biggest smile
can feel so much like a filler

Maybe you’re not meant to hate

Maybe all you need is to learn how to love

and love

and love

and more

Maybe life is not meant to be a secret

This is the first time since the start of this blog, that I’ve neglected to write on it. Normally I write at least once a month! That’s a personal great accomplishment for me, because in the previous blogs, I’ve always neglect them for months. And it makes the archive look bad with some missing months..

Anyway, life had been a real sweet roller coaster ride for me the last month. Good things happen all the time, but bad things always come to follow. But either way, I’d somehow pick myself back up.

It was kind of a an emotional month for me. So many events that I believe had affected my heart deeply. Whether it was a good thing or a bad thing, it all seemed to happen in a flash but then there would be dents and scars on my heart. Oh dear, I’m trying to be poetic again?

My life is like a prose.

And I am still grateful.

it’s like, something so alien to you
and yet, you feel so much at home

it’s like, so beautiful
but so new and indescribable

it’s like, painful
but no matter what you feel
you’d think the pain is worth it

it’s like, whatever you do,
you’d go back to that one same thought

it’s like wherever you go,
you’d want to be where that one person is

it’s like, you’re running
but taking your time
at the very same moment

it’s like nothing else ever matters

it’s like nothing is ever wrong

it’s like time is your enemy
but at the same time,
it’s the only friend that allows you to have it

it’s like, you wanna run away with it
but you also want to go home to it

it’s like, you

it’s like, life

it’s like, love

This rarely happens to me, but the last time it happened, I remember feeling very very wary and cautious. And I was automatically waiting for another bad thing to follow.. Guess my gratutude back then wasn’t as genuine as I wanted it to be?

This time around, I felt a bit different. I guess I believe in people’s genuineness a whole lot more. I shall not think of bad thoughts about anyone.. Hmmm. Challenge of the week 

I guess I’ve practiced my mind out of prejudice better.

People can change, and I suppose they have, or maybe they’re on their way to become something or someone better. Much like me, so I should be able to understand.

I know a change in faith can definitely help change someone’s attitude.

I am just hoping the pretty stays.

Gratitude!

Oh, and I’ve totally cleared up my room. No more messy clothes down on the carpet!! Yay!